Folks, have I got an exciting offer for you!

Have you had any NFL quarterback experience? Do you know any current or former NFL quarterbacks? Have you ever seen an NFL quarterback on television? Heard about one on the radio? Know there is such a position in football?

If you can answer at least, "Maybe," to any of these questions, then you could be the next quarterback of the New York Jets!

So apparently it wasn't a good day to be a quarterback for the New York Jets on Sunday. Not only did their starting QB Chad Pennington re-injure the same shoulder he had previously had surgery on, but his backup Jay Fiedler had his shoulder hurt as well. Now Pennington is out for the year, again, and it's likely that Fiedler is on the shelf for the season also. But hey, they signed Vinny Testaverde away from the Sunny Vale Retirement Home to be backup to their third string, so the Jets still have a chance, right?

To answer that question let's take at the offensive output from the QB position on Sunday. Checking the stats from the game against Jacksonville I see that the numbers come out to be 11 of 22 for 95 yards and two INTs--for both quarterbacks combined. You read that right, it took TWO Jet QBs to throw for less than 100 yards and two picks. And this was their first and second string, folks. I can't wait to see what levels of shit the emergency quarterback will sink to. Hell, I might even skip the Bengal game next week just to watch the carnage.

As bad as that performance was on Sunday however, that still wasn't what caught me by surprise the most. Despite both quarterbacks being put out for the year after injuring the same body part in the same game, that wasn't the most shocking aspect of the game. Not even their putrid stats managed to catch my attention. Hell, I saw every one of Kyle Boller's stat lines, so I'm used to it. No, what shocked me most about Sunday was this:

How the fuck does Jay Fiedler still have a job in the NFL?!

I mean seriously. I know I say this a lot, but I really really need someone to explain this to me. Seriously. I mean, how do you sell the idea of signing Jay Fiedler to your team? It ain't like the Jets don't know the Miami Dolphins exist. It ain't like they didn't watch Fiedler go 18 of 33 for 206 yards with 2 INTs in Week 4 last year where they beat the Dolphins 17-9. It ain't like they don't remember the game four weeks later where Fiedler went 20 for 41 with a pair of TDs and a pair of picks when the Jets routed the Dolphins 41-14--on Monday night no less. Ain't like nobody don't remember that. So how the hell do you actually convince an NFL team to pay this guy real money to be their QB? And then how fucking stupid do you have to be to agree to it?

I tell you folks, I've got to get in on this action. Hell, all I need is to be the starter on any sucky ass shit team once and I've got it made. I pull that off then no matter how bad I fuck up some idiot out in NFL Land will give me a job. Hell, reports out of Detroit had the Lions talking to Jeff George. JEFF FUCKING GEORGE!

What a racket.

Speaking of QBs who won't go away, Green Bay lost 17-16 to Tampa Bay on Sunday. And Brett Favre. Dude. Seriously. 14 of 24? 195 yards? 2 TDs? 3 INTs? 0-3? It's time. Please. Before you embarrass yourself any further. Just, yeah, you know. Please?

I feel like Brett is the angry drunk at the frat party that everyone is afraid to try and take home because they just know he's going to start breaking things. He's hit the hooch too much but still thinks he can totally score with the dark-haired hottie in the corner. But unfortunately for him the beer goggles have Condoleeza Rice looking like Halle Barry.

It's time to head home, Brett, and I don't care how many holes you put in the wall on the way out. For your own good, you've got to go.

Staying with the Packers game, it's time to hand out the Retard of the Week Award. This week we give the trophy to Packers kicker Ryan Longwell. Ryan wins the award for missing the extra point after the Packers first touchdown. Did I mention the Packers lost that game 17-16? Congratulations Ryan! How about you follow Favre out the door, OK?

I wanted to leave the subject of washed up QBs alone, but I just can't, and it's all Drew Bledsoe's fault. What kind of crazy, mixed up, upside down, topsy turvy world do we live in where Drew Bledsoe has a higher passer rating than Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Daunte Culpepper?

I'm telling all of you, the NFL no longer makes any rational sense. Logic and reason have been completely replaced by insanity, craziness, and Bush foreign policy. This world scares me, and I want out.

Take the Colts/Browns game, for example. See if you can wrap your mind around this little enigma: On Sunday, Peyton Manning threw for only 20 more yards than Trent Dilfer, didn't throw a single touchdown, and had an interception. I'm at a loss.

I feel like I'm watching the Chewbacca Defense being acted out every Sunday as this does not make sense. Bledsoe...higher passer rating than...Tom Brady? Manning...can't...throw a...touchdown? Barely better than...Trent Dilfer? I acquit!

At least there's always two things you can count on. The Arizona Cardinals are going to suck, and Michael Vickis going to be overrated. Ah, blissful sanity, how I've missed you so.

I'm scared.

The Bengals are 3-0.

Did you hear what I just said?

3-0!

I may not understand this crazy world, but I'm starting to like it.