Tier 1:
New England Patriots
What do all of the following shit quarterbacks have in common, besides being shit quarterbacks?

Kyle Boller, Mark Brunell, Jay Fiedler, Brian Giese, Aaron Books, Kerry Collins.

All of these ass-sucking second stringers, all of them, threw for more yards on Sunday than Tom Brady, and the Patriots still won 24-10 (over Miami, but still).

That fact alone should be scaring the hell out of all other NFL teams.

Tier 2:
Philadelphia Eagles
-BYE-

Minnesota Vikings
Taken to the limit by the Texans? I know the Texans are starting to come around but goddamn. Are the Vikings headed for another *choke* like they did last year? I’ll bet Randy Moss a dimebag of smoke they are.

Indianapolis Colts
The only way to stop Peyton Manning is with a .45 to the kneecap, or maybe for their kicker to get liquored up and call Manning a pussy.

Denver Broncos
So do all the Bronco RBs get hammered on andro-laced Coors before they play? Is that what does it? Is that how some nobody named Droughns can run for 193 yards? WTF?!

New York Jets
I think I am going soft. I actually like this team. I’ve liked Chad Pennington since I watched him play at Marshall. I’ve liked their no-bullshit coach Herman Edwards. Now Curtis Martin, after running for damn near 200 yards against Cincinnati, he can go fuck himself. The rest of the team I like, though.

Tier 3:
Jacksonville Jaguars
Good teams do not get the holy hell knocked out of them by the likes of Drew Brees. And exactly what defense showed up that allowed the Chargers to run up 34 points?

Carolina Panthers
Falcons last week, the Broncos this week. I knew I had overrated this team and once again I was right. I’m becoming so predictable.

Seattle Seahawks
Can you hear that Seattle? Know what that sound is? It’s the sound of the entire NFL laughing at you and your dumbass overrated coach. Ha ha fucking ha you bunch of stupid shits.

So let me ask a question here: You have a measly three point lead and the ball at your own 26 with 3:24 left in the 4th. What do you do? Well if you’re Mike Holmgren, you call pass after pass because you’re a complete tard.

The first play goes complete for 10 yards. *whew* The second pass is incomplete stopping the fucking clock at 2:40. Had they run the ball they might have used up a few more seconds and the clock would have kept on running. Instead the clock stops and Seattle has to run another play before the two minute warning.

On third down Hasselbeck does his best Kurt Warner and fumbles the ball while getting sacked. Seattle recovers, but they might has well have handed the ball to the Rams.

Seattle got out-played and out-coached. Fearless prediction: They will get absolutely fucking crushed in New England next week.

Atlanta Falcons
I tried to tell you people last week, but would you listen to me? No, you wouldn’t, and now look at your dumb Vick-loving ass. 18 for 29, 196 yards, 1 INT, 3 fumbles.

I TOLD YOU SO.

Bitches.

Baltimore Ravens
I would like to officially nominate the following statline for the POESports Statline of the Year: Kyle Boller, 9 for 18, 81 yards, 3 INTs.

Luckily for the Ravens Jamal Lewis stopped selling blow long enough to run for 116 yards and the Washington offense is the worst offense in the entire goddamn league. Watching these two teams’ offenses go at each other was like watching two gay men argue about who’s cock was limper.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Can someone please explain to me how the fuck this team is 4-1? Words cannot comprehend my astonishment that this team has this kind of record.

Tier 4:
Tennessee Titans
Steve McNair has to be the toughest mother fucker on the planet.

Anyone trying to be that tough has to be compensating for something. My money says he’s a cross-dresser.

Kansas City Chiefs
-BYE-

Dallas Cowboys
How ‘bout them Cowboys?!

How ‘bout them sucking Kurt Warner’s man-goblin of a wife’s cock and it making Parcells like it?

Detroit Lions
This team is getting better. I keep saying that and it keeps being true. This week it was Vick. Your team could be next!

Oakland Raiders
The Great Kerry Collins Revolution: Week 2!

28 for 44, 245 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs, 1 fumble.

Ha ha fucking ha!

Houston Texans
Taking the Vikings to OT? Damn. Call it a moral victory, if there was such a thing.

N.Y. Giants
No I will not promote Kurt Warner, the Original Fumbler himself Tiki Barber, and their anal retentive coach up a tier. I don’t give a damn if they are 4-1. That record is crap. They suck and we all know it.

San Diego Chargers
The damn Bolts lay 34 points on the celebrated Jacksonville defense? WTF is wrong with this league?

St. Louis Rams
I’ll promote the Rams out of the cellar for no other reason than they proved me right that the Seahawks weren’t as good as every Holmgren-fellating ass said they were.

Tier 5:
Green Bay Packers
It’s midway through the second quarter, 2nd and 7 for the Titans who have the ball at the Green Bay 26. McNair throws an 18 yard pass, but the play is called back on a chop block penalty. Titan ball, 2nd and 22 from the Pack 41. That’s bad.

Next play is a completed pass for 19 yards, but it gets nullified by a holding penalty. It is now 2nd down and 32 yards to go from the Tennessee 49. That’s even worse.

Steve McNair then proceeds to throw a 9 yard pass on 2nd down and then a 30 yard pass on 3rd. Starting with 2nd and 7 at the Pack 26, and ending with 2nd and 32 from the other side of the fucking field, the Titans convert. Two plays later McNair would throw a TD.

The Green Bay defense is the worst fucking defense I have ever seen. Ever.

Arizona Cardinals
Just when I tried to talk this team up they go and take it in the ass from the 49ers. Have another Ho-ho Dennis Green, it’ll all be over soon.

Cincinnati Bengals
-BYE-

Despite the off-week the Bengals run defense still gave up 127 yards and 2 TDs.

Washington Redskins
This whole “winning” shit was much easier in NASCAR, huh Joe?

Buffalo Bills
This team has an actual QB, a pair of good RBs, and their record is still 0-4. WTF?!

New Orleans Saints
Emmitt Smith rushed for 127 yards, 1 TD, and threw for 1 TD.

The New Orleans Saints are now permanent residents of Tier 5 for the rest of the season.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
BUCS WIN!!!1!!!1 Oh wait they only beat the dumbass Saints who let Emmitt Smith throw a TD pass on them. Nevermind.

Cleveland Browns
Cleveland was obviously caught looking ahead next week to the Cincinnati Bengals coming to town. THEY BETTER BE READY FOR THE JUNGLE DAMNIT.

Miami Dolphins
This is absolutely the funniest goddamn team in the league and I would like to officially nominate them for the POESports Team of the Year.

First off, their insane RB Ricky Williams decides to go find himself in the Australian Outback a week before training camp. Faced with 60-odd percent of their offense now gone they have a QB war which Jay Fiedler wins. After taking all of camp and pre-season to choose him, he gets pulled after a half for A.J. Feeley.

A couple weeks or so later, and still winless, Feeley gets yanked for Fiedler. This week Fiedler then gets a rib broken and then two plays later Feeley gets his bell rung and goes out with a concussion. This week at Buffalo Miami may have to start their third string quarterback.

I’m going to watch the Miami game next week just because I can’t wait to see what happens to them next!

San Francisco 49ers
Watching them beat Arizona was just about like watching two old people make out. It’s odd, disgusting, and yet hard to look away from.

Maybe it’s just me.

Chicago Bears
-BYE-


JANET
http://groomlake.net