Tier 1:
New England Patriots
-BYE-
Did I mention it’s been a full calendar year since they lost a game?

Tier 2:
Philadelphia Eagles
They beat the Lions as they should have. Move along.

Carolina Panthers
-BYE-

Jacksonville Jaguars
A win is a win even if it’s an ugly win. Gawd, I’d rather watch my grandparent’s 69 then be forced to view a Jaguars game. 15-12? Are you kidding me?. This week, however, the Colts come to town. We’ll see whether the Jags are for real or not then.

Minnesota Vikings
Win over the Bears. *yawn*

Indianapolis Colts
Last week I dropped them once Edge got hurt. Well he played, but who the hell needs him when Manning can throw 5 TDs?

However, repeat after me, you are not going to win championships if your offense has to score 30+ points to win a game.

Any questions on this point should be directed to the residents of Arrowhead Stadium.

Tier 3:
Denver Broncos
The Broncos had a grand total of 37 yards rushing. 37 yards.…The Broncos. Hell, they had to rely on Jake Plummer to get them a win.

I can’t believe I just said that.

Green Bay Packers
I didn’t think it was possible to get that many footballs crammed up you ass, but apparently Peyton Manning found a way to make them all fit.

New York Jets
-BYE-

Seattle Seahawks
Ok folks, let’s just pull the SEEHAWKS ARE TEH GRETEST TEAM EVAR I WANT MIKE HOLMGRENS LOVE BABY11!!!1!! bus over to the side of the road, shall we?

Let me just toss something out here: 2-7. That would be the combined record of Seattle’s opponents so far this year (2-1 New Orleans, 0-3 Tampa Bay, and 0-3 San Francisco).

For the last three years every “football expert” out in fantasy land has dropped to his knees to fellate Mike Holmgren and tell all of us just how goddman good the Seahawks were. Call me after Week 6 when they have to go to Foxboro, ok?

Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons win with…defense?! Hell, If Vick ever learns to throw the ball this team might really be good (10-20, 115 yards, 1 INT).

No, I’m not buying their 3-0 record, why do you ask?

Baltimore Ravens
Hi! We’re the Baltimore Ravens. We’re the only team in the AFC North that doesn’t suck shit. We can go 6-10 and still win the division.

Do you have a QB for sale, by any chance?

Tier 4:
Tennessee Titans
They scored the highest point total yet against the Jaguars, 12. That counts for something, right? Well, maybe, but with a 1-2 record and Air McNair grounded for a game or two, if not longer, things are not getting better for the Titans.

Kansas City Chiefs
Ok, see, I’m just trying to understand this. Help me out.

Your RB goes for 134 yards. Your QB passes for over 200 yards with three touchdowns.

And you lose.

To the Texans.

WTF?!

Cincinnati Bengals
I don’t even want to talk about it so shut up.

Ok, fine. The last three times you’ve played the Ravens Jamal Lewis has averaged 124 yards against you. How exactly, then, do you let him get one-hundred eighty-six fucking yards on Sunday? Can someone please explain this to me? Seriously, I want a goddamn answer.

And holy shit can someone, anyone, learn how to tackle a ball carrier? I’ve seen better takedowns in G.L.O.W.

Washington Redskins
Joe Gibbs is Bill Parcells’ bitch. Wait till next year, Joe. And get a quarterback while you’re waiting.

Dallas Cowboys
New Rule: Tackling the corner back is perfectly legal, and in fact will ensure that a pass interference penalty will be called on him, and not you.

Arizona Cardinals
Holding the Vick-led Falcons to only six points keeps them afloat in the rankings. This team may actually be good next year.

I still can’t believe I’m saying that.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Hurricane game doesn’t count. Plus it was only the Dolphins.

Buffalo Bills
-BYE-
It took a bye week to stop their freefall in the rankings.

Detroit Lions
They got their assed kicked by the Eagles, but what did you expect?

Oakland Raiders
They beat Tampa Bay, but then again who doesn’t? At least they actually threw a couple balls to Jerry Rice this time.

Gannon getting his neck broken was karma from last week catching up with him.

Houston Texans
They beat the Chiefs! I’m not sure how much of an accomplishment that is, however.

New Orleans Saints
Ok, so maybe Brooks didn’t pitch two balls to the opposition as I predicted. That’s not his fault, however. It’s just that the St. Louis secondary can’t catch a ball thrown right into their damn hands.

Tier 5:
San Diego Chargers
Everyone welcome Tier 5’s newest resident! This one’s a sinker, not a floater, but it’s still shit no matter what.

St. Louis Rams
You got beat by the Saints. At home. The Saints! If only I had a Tier 6.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Tampa Bay scored more points this week then they had in the previous two combined.

And they still lost.

I think Chucky needs a hug.

Cleveland Browns
Kurt Warner kicked their ass. ‘Nuff said.

Miami Dolphins
They let a rookie QB making his very first start complete a touchdown pass--in a hurricane! Goddamn this team sucks.

N.Y. Giants
I thought Kurt Warner was supposed to suck? How come he keeps throwing touchdown passes? Oh wait, he was playing Cleveland. Sorry.

San Francisco 49ers
Dennis Erikson is the greatest coach in the history of football!

Or perhaps not.

Chicago Bears
Rex Grossman is gone for the year? Who the hell am I going to pick in the fantasy pool as my QB now? Ah well, there’s always Josh McCown.


JANET
http://groomlake.net